Step 1: Might be best just to let these sleeping Old Dogs lie. This incredibly loony comedy sort of demeans everyone involved.
Step 2: Follow this formula, dammit, or by god, there will be hell to pay! Is it me or is every live-action family flick from Disney these days involve die-hard bachelors suddenly having to take care of kids? There was The Game Plan, Escape to Witch Mountain, and now Old Dogs, which centers on two live-long friends and business partners, who finds themselves saddled with 7-year-old twins. It seems Dan (Robin Williams) spent an impulsive night out on the town with his best bud Charlie (John Travolta) seven years ago, married a woman, Vicki (Kelly Preston), got it annulled the next day – and now comes to find out twins were conceived during that time. Oy, vey! She’s in a bind for childcare, for reasons too silly to mention, and has to leave the kids (Ella Bleu Travolta and Conner Rayburn) with their dad, who then turns to Charlie for help. Here’s the kicker: This unexpected babysitting gig comes right at a time the two are about to close a multi-million dollar deal with a Japanese company. OY, VEY! It’s time to move on, Disney.
Step 3: Pick a better family comedy to star in. Certainly Travolta and Williams have each starred in their fair share of feel-good family comedies, but for their first outing together in this arena, they should have held out for funnier material. Old Dogs just isn’t up to par. I take that back, it fits Travolta pretty well, since he’s good at delivering the breezy, superficial stuff this kind of movie dishes out. It’s Williams. With his comedy, I always want him to be snarky and naughty, with the million personalities and the rapid-fire delivery. I mean, watch his David Letterman appearance from the other night:
That’s the Williams I know and love. I’ll even settle for Mrs. Doubtfire, not the old fart doing slapstick comedy in Old Dogs. Sigh. Actually, there is a saving grace in the form of Seth Green, who plays the guys’ young upstart employee. He does the hit-in-the-balls bit kind of hilariously, as well as singing to a 500-pound gorilla while being cradled.
Step 4: Speaking of, hit ’em in the balls and watch the hilarity ensue. OK, I fully admit I am not a fan of what I call calamity comedy, that sort of over-the-top slapstick when one thing after another goes wrong, and it’s supposed to send us into laughter convulsions. You know, that Three Stooges scenario. But it just seems so very silly. There isn’t anything clever about it, no thought behind it at all. Just throw stuff up and hope it sticks. Now, get a group of guys, like the Jackass crew, and watch them hurt themselves in any number of hilarious situations, THAT’S funny.
Level of difficulty in watching Old Dogs: Moderately easy. I guess if you like that kind of thing …