How to Watch: “Zombieland”

539wStep 1: Laugh your ass off. As a cleverly executed horror comedy, Zombieland will keep you in stitches, even as the zombies are trying to rip you apart.

Step 2: Observe the carefully laid-out rules of escaping zombies, and you just might survive being a “Happy Meal.” Take Rule No. 2, for example, called the Double Tap: If you shoot a zombie and it falls down, make sure to immediately get another shot directly into its head. Thus effectively killing said zombie without any injury or risk of infection. Or Rule No. 24: Don’t be a hero. These rules have been created by neurotic college student Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), as a way to survive the last two months while the world population has been zombie-fied. As he wades through the post-apocalyptic landscape on his way home to Columbus, Ohio (no one gives their real names in this), he inadvertently joins forces with three other human survivors: Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a take-no-prisoners cowboy; Wichita (Emma Stone), a badass con artist who’s only looking out of herself and her younger sister, Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), a spitfire in her own right. To say these four have major trust issues is an understatement, but it’s something they are going to have to work on if they plan on living through the next 48 hours.

Step 3: Pick the choice humans to survive. Harrelson continues to select those offbeat roles that suit him best. His Tallahassee has adapted to the new environment well and has found his true niche in life: being an expert at killing zombies. He really gets some good ones in there. Eisenberg zombieland1(Adventureland) plays the same guy he’s been playing, which works fine here; he also has a penchant for movies whose titles end in “land.” Stone adds to her repertoire, having played the cool girl (Superbad), the geeky girl (House Bunny) and now the femme fatale, while Breslin displays some of her Little Miss Sunshine sensibilities once again.

Step 4: Also pick one of the best cameos in a long while. I’m not going to give away who it is because the moment must be experienced and treasured on your own (and DON’T look at the credits on iMDB.com, you’ll just spoil it).

Step 5: Think outside the box. Zombieland screenwriters Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick sort of mix together all kinds of genres – horror, post-apocalypse, road comedy, love story – but what makes it the most entertaining is first-time director Ruben Fleischer’s vision. From the opening slow-mo shots of pure gore-ific mayhem, as the zombies come to life, chase and eat people, while Columbus explains some of his hard and fast rules, you know Zombieland is going to be one heck of a unique, hilarious ride. This is definitely one to own on DVD, especially if there’s a ton of bonus features.

Level of difficulty in watching Zombieland: As easy as this rule: You gotta enjoy the little things. [Note: Stay through the end of the credits for an extra scene]

How to Watch: “Surrogates”

the-surrogatesStep 1: Throw away the Blackberry? Surrogates is yet another serviceable sci-fi whodunit about how our dependency on technology will be the ruin of us all.

Step 2: Fire up the “stim chair!” OK, OK, just kidding. Replacing ourselves with perfect robot surrogates so we don’t ever have to leave the house or have any kind of human interaction is bad; we get it. But in the not-so-distant future world of Surrogates, it’s all the rage. A scientist dude named Canter (James Cromwell) invented these robots that can be operated by brain waves and now, everyone is plugged into their very own stim chair while their surrogate is out living it up. The surrogates can take all the pain and injury, too, but nothing happens to the human host – until now. Surrogate detectives Greer (Bruce Willis) and Peters (Radha Mitchell) stumble upon the murder of two other surrogates, whose humans are also killed at the same time by having their brains fried. In the process of the investigation, Greer’s surrogate is destroyed, so now human Greer has to venture out into the real world to solve the crime – and gain back a little of his humanity.

Step 3: Embrace your imperfections. All the surrogates in the film are in shape, air brushed and surrogatescoiffed most exquisitely, while the humans operating them are pale, blotchy, fat, dark circles under their eyes – except for Bruce Willis, of course. He, as the real Greer, is far more attractive than his blonde-headed surrogate. Maybe that’s just me – I like my Bruce bald and manly. He plays Greer as the action guy who is also in a mid-life crisis. You see, Greer and his wife, portrayed nicely by Rosamund Pike, have lost a child and escape the hurt by becoming addicted to their surrogates. But now Greer wants to reconnect with his wife and sees the harm in surrogacy.

Step 4: Don’t always paint by the numbers. Surrogates could have been a lot cooler if they delved more deeply into the surrogacy vs. humanity aspects and our basic need to reach out and touch someone, which is probably what the graphic novel, on which Surrogates is based, does. None of the characters are very well developed in the film. You’re not invested in whether the human race breaks out their isolation to grab a Coke and a smile. Director Jonathan Mostow (Terminator 3) instead turns it into another generic sci-fi crime thriller, a la Minority Report or I, Robot . It works OK, but you feel they forgot the point.

Level of difficulty in watching Surrogates: Moderately easy. Certainly nothing new and different, but it’s always good to see Bruce Willis kick some ass.