Step 1: Don’t expect Twilight madness. While Cirque du Freak: A Vampire’s Assistant might hold a certain charm for tween fans, it suffers from too much exposition and not enough freakishly cool vampire action.
Step 2: Try not to cram too much into one movie. Based on the novel series by Darren Shan, Vampire’s Assistant is actually the first three books in the saga. The story follows teenager Darren (Chris Massoglia) and his misadventures with a vampire named Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly), whom he meets at a back alley show called Cirque du Freak. Chris goes there with his best friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson) and is introduced to the show’s master of ceremonies, Mr. Tall (Ken Watanabe), as well as a cast of colorful freaks, including a snake boy (Patrick Fugit), a bearded lady (Salma Hayek) and others. Through certain circumstances, Chris ends up becoming a half-vampire and moving into the Cirque’s campgrounds where he learns that Crepsley and his gentler kind are in an age-old feud with the vampaneze, a more violent offshoot of the bloodsuckers who kill their humans instead of just sipping from them. Think Bill vs. Eric in True Blood. Problem is, Steve is also turned into a vampaneze, thus becoming Chris’ mortal enemy and breaking the tentative truce between the two vampire factions.
Step 3: Forget vampires, let your freak flag wave! It’s clear the main storyline follows the vamps (the title gives it away), with Reilly doing a nice job as the kindly – if somewhat weary – vampire, proving once again he doesn’t always have to play second fiddle to Will Ferrell. The two boys Massoglia and Hutcherson also do their best, especially Hutcherson, who moves on from his good guy roles in Journey to the Center of the Earth and Bridge to Terabithia, to play a troubled youth looking for a little payback. But it’s really the cast of freaks that are the best part of the 
movie. Fugit (Almost Famous) is hilarious as Evra, the Snake Boy who longs to be a musician; Watanabe’s Mr. Tall, who rules with a fair but iron fist; Hayek’s Madama Truska, who is in love with Crepsley; young Cirque costumer Rebecca, played by Jessica Carlson, who is the Monkey Girl for Chris, plus a lot of other fascinating characters. You just wish you could have found out more about this merry band of dysfunctional performers.
Step 4: Adapting is hard to do. Granted, writer/director Paul Weitz (About a Boy) and co-writer Brian Helgeland (L.A. Confidential) had their work cut out for them, taking three whole books and turning them into a cohesive two-hour movie. But they fall into that expository trap in which the characters have to stand around explaining everything rather than being able to develop. There is so much story they have to get in there – the kids’ stories, the feuding vampires, the freak show denizens, the megalomaniac mastermind Mr. Tiny who wants to take over the world (yeah, didn’t tell you about him before) – that the movie feels flat. At least Weitz, as director, aptly paints this universe, especially the Cirque camp, but I want to now read the books, just to see what I missed.
Level of difficulty in watching Cirque du Freak: A Vampire’s Assistant: Moderately easy. Since vamp movies are all the rage with tweens, this might have a chance – and if all goes well at the box office, sequels.