Step 1: Blame it on Alvin and the Chipmunks. Cute, furry – and talking – CGI rodents are apparently now the rage, much to the chagrin of anyone over 12.
Step 2: Be a little embarrassed about having to take your kids to a movie about guinea pigs who not only talk but have also been trained in FBI special ops. There’s Darwin (voiced by Sam Rockwell), the fearless leader; Blaster (voiced by Tracy Morgan), the demolitions expert; Juarez (voiced by Penelope Cruz), the tough lone female; and Speckles (voiced by Nicolas Cage), a mole and the team’s computer whiz. They’ve been trained by human Ben (Zack Galifianakis), a sort of mad scientist-type employed by the FBI. Except the Bureau thinks Ben and his friends are all a joke – until the little rodents prove their worth and save the world. What else?
Step 3: Scratch your head on how G-Force got the cast they got. Penelope Cruz? Nicolas Cage? Sam Rockwell? I suppose I could see Cage and Cruz doing this. Certainly Tracy Morgan. Even Steve Buscemi, who voices a surly hamster. But Sam bloody ROCKWELL? He’s the dude who does cool indie movies like Moon and Choke or high-brow Oscar fare like Frost/Nixon. I just have to wonder what they said to convince him to do this. Maybe he has kids and they begged him to voice a guinea pig. What about Galifianakis, who HAD been gaining some serious comedy cred with his turn in this summer’s surprise hit The Hangover? This might set him back a bit. Oh, who the hell knows. They probably either did it for money or for the children in their lives.
Step 4: Realize this isn’t for you but for the younger set. Most likely G-Force will do for guinea pigs what Beverly Hills Chihuahua did for Chihuahuas. I predict pet stores will run out of furry little fellers, as kids beg their parents to get them one. Even the film addresses this, as two siblings take home the displaced Blaster and Juarez and basically torment them. Parents should advise their children against putting lipstick on their guinea pigs or strapping them to toy cars and shooting them off across the floor. It’s supposed to be funny but looked like animal cruelty to me.
Level of difficulty in watching G-Force: Sigh. For kids, probably pretty easy. For us adults, tortuously laborious.